Give me Meaning
by LuchaDoRa
Summary: There is meaning to all life. Whether it is the tiniest ant you hold the magnifying glass above or the suicidal teenager next door, all life holds meaning. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes you realize it when you're about to die yourself. Some people kill others to find their own purpose in this world. What does it matter if they are already dead? *LeonxHelena fanfiction*
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Leon sighed. There was nothing left to do. Everyday felt the same since the Tall Oaks and China incidents passed. It felt like an endless cycle on repeat. The reason it felt so boring was because it felt so … normal. He was practically living a normal life, something he always wanted but now, he felt like a part of him was missing in China. Now he had the chance to pick up where he left off from before Racoon but it didn't feel right. A normal life just wasn't for him. He had grown so accustomed to being alert and on the edge that relaxing and having lazy days felt like he was going to be attacked any second if he sat down for a moment.

Leon served the Secret Services for many years now. A regular desk job was pointless. It was definitely a complete waste of his talents. He pondered on whether or not to join the local police force, but he realized he would probably end up shooting half the criminals down instead of bringing them into custody. Criminals would only get on Leon's nerves anyway, along with the chief of the force. That was the good thing about field work in the Secret Service; you were your own boss. Well, as long as you stuck with your partner.

His mind came to a complete stop. **His partner.** It had been at least three months since they last saw each other and he hoped Helena was doing okay. The last time they spoke was on the phone, and she wasn't doing too well from her sister's death. That was two weeks ago. Leon was a lot stronger than Helena was and since he had no family concerns the only thing he had to worry about during the Tall Oaks and China was Helena. And himself, of course. During their time together as partners he found an unexplainable concern for her wellbeing. He was always watching out for her, sometimes more than himself, and constantly helping her survive through the trauma. The only time he could remember being so concerned for someone was for… no, he wasn't going to think about **her.** 15 damn years of longing and he couldn't let go.

Leon needed a break from the tedious routine. He stood from his sofa and left his apartment, locking the door behind him. When he got outside the cold hit him and he jumped in his car and drove off. He needed to pay someone a much needed visit.

When he got out of the car he locked his door and heard the familiar beep behind him. The sharp winter wind bit at him and he quickly walked toward the building. Wiping his feet on the outdoor doormat, he stood at the door and pushed the intercom.

"Can I help you?" the distorted voice came from the speaker.

"Erm, a visit for Helena Harper?" he said nervously. He waited for the door to open, but it didn't.

"Hello, can I help you?" the voice came again, this time annoyed. His face scrunched up from confusion.

"A visit for Helena Harper." He said more firmly and loudly into the speaker.

"Is anyone there? Stupid kids." The voice said as the static cut off.

"Hello, I'm here! This is Leon coming for a visit to Helena!" she shouted angrily into the stupid thing. He was so busy shouting into the intercom, he didn't hear the giggle come from the old lady behind him.

He turned to face her with an angry look on his face. She smiled almost smugly and pressed the intercom. Unlike Leon, she also pressed the communication button on the side of the box.

"This is Madge and a visitor for Helena." She said into the speaker.

"Good afternoon, Madge! I'll get the door for you. And it's the third floor for Helena Harper." As the voice buzzed from the box, she smiled at shook her head at Leon. Leon could only bow his head and smile at his own stupidity.

"Well, I'm no tech genius, young man, but I know the basics." She shook her head again.

"I'm not much of a tech genius either, and I've just proved that."

"You must know more than I do, at least." She laughed.

"Shall I help with your bags?" he offered politely.

"I'll manage. I don't want to cause you too much trouble taking me all the way up to the third floor." she replied.

"I'm going up to the third floor. Please let me help you." He grabbed her carrier bags.

"Well, alright then, if it's fine with you. I think it's very silly, putting an old helpless woman like me up on the third floor." he nodded along to her ramblings, not really paying much attention.

"Oh, I know now. Helena Harper." She spoke out randomly as they climbed the flight of stairs. Helena's name brought Leon back to reality from his daydream.

"What about her?"

"She's the sweet one from across the hall. She's a very nice young woman." She complimented.

"Yes, I know. She's my partner." He informed her. Madge peered over her glasses at him for a few seconds and nodded her head.

"A very nice catch." She commented. Leon realized she took it as the other meaning of partner, but he didn't bother to correct her. Something in his chest fluttered, and he felt somewhat proud that she thought them a good couple. He shook his pointless thoughts away as they arrived at her door.

"Thank you, young man. Helena lives just there." she pointed to the door across from hers.

"Have a good day." He said as she closed the door. He sighed and knocked on Helena's door labelled 203A.

End of chapter 1

*A/N* I'm really not feeling it flow and this is the first fricking chapter. I'm so bombarded with coursework that I don't have time to write big, long, quality pieces of writing like I used to. Oh well, enjoy it anyway, and my writing WILL get better or I will shoot myself. You have my word;)*


	2. Chapter 2

Give me Meaning 2

Chapter 2

The click of the lock and rattle of the chain was followed by the door opening. A pale forehead poked out from behind the door.

"Hi, Helena." Leon smiled.

"Oh, it's you Leon." Helena breathed a sigh of relief and opened the door wider. Leon frowned at her strange behaviour.

"Were you expecting someone else?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No. I just… never mind. Come in." she welcomed him in. He slowly walked in as he surveyed her apartment. It hadn't changed since the last time he saw it over 3 months ago, but it was messy and things were scattered everywhere. Strange, Helena was an organised person, if not a perfectionist.

"Sorry about the mess. I haven't had a chance to clean up properly." She said as if she was reading his mind. "Sit down; I'll get you a drink. Pop or juice?"

"Juice, please. Apple if you have any." Leon answered as he made himself comfy on the couch. Helena brought it in and sat on the chair opposite him.

"How've you been?" he asked.

"Alright, but just having some trouble sleeping." Her hand went up to rub her eye, and Leon caught sight of the purple eye-bags.

"Night-mares?" he questioned. She looked at the floor. "It's about Deborah, isn't it?"

"So what brings you here after so long?" she changed the subject. Leon frowned at her, but answered anyway. He knew Deborah was still too painful for Helena to talk about, so he left it at that.

"Well, we haven't seen each other since ages, so I thought I'd come down and see how you're doing. You are okay, right?"

Helena nodded. Leon frowned again; he knew it was a lie. He thought meeting Helena would brighten both their spirits, but she seemed so different. This wasn't the Helena he knew. As he waited for her door to open, he imagined lots of different scenarios, with Helena being pleasantly surprised at his visit and maybe they would go out together and have a catch-up, but by the looks of things, nothing of the sort was going to happen. Helena looked even worse than what she sounded like two weeks ago on the phone, and Leon felt like a horrible friend for not visiting her sooner.

"It's getting late Leon, are you okay staying this long?" Helena asked. Leon opened his mouth to ask what on earth she was talking about, since it was 3 in the afternoon, when he realized why she said it. _She wanted him to leave._ Instead he closed his mouth and stared deep into her orbs. Nothing but pain was reflected back at him. She couldn't hold his gaze for long and kept shifting her eyes.

'If she wants to be alone, then there's nothing I can do.' Leon thought to himself. He stood from his chair and made a swift exit to the front door. "You're right, Helena. I've been spending** way **too much time with you and I better leave." His voice dripped with sarcasm and Helena winced at his furious tone that he didn't even bother to hold back. He slammed the door on his way out and marched down the hall and stairs with heavy feet. He was fuming. He thought that surprising Helena would make her smile but she made it clear she didn't need his concern. And that he didn't need to care for her either.

End of chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It had been a whole day. One single, insignificant day out of three-hundred and sixty five and it felt like decades had passed since they last met. _Since he last slammed the door in her face…_

Leon physically winced. Guilt had been eating away at him since the moment he left Helena's apartment and he felt shame for treating her in such a way when he was meant to be supporting her. After all, it was because of her sister's death that she was feeling so depressed and he was meant to be there for her, but he just got angry.

Why did he get angry to begin with? It was the stupidest of reasons: because Helena needed space. It was his own fault; he jumped down her throat after not even speaking on the phone with her for two weeks, so she must have felt enclosed. And now he felt enclosed in guilt. Pressured into trying to say something, _anything_, to try and make her feel better. Leon flung on a jacket and banged his door shut, locking it quickly and jogging out to his car. He wasn't a brilliant driver but he wasn't the worst, so what could go wrong? He didn't really need a piece of card to tell him he could push a pedal with his foot…

When he arrived outside the door of the building, he pressed the intercom and pushed the second button as well this time, snickering to himself as he remembered his last try of embarrassing himself.

"Can I help you?" The voice curled in static.

"Visit for Helena Harper." Leon said smoothly, still smiling.

"I'm sorry; Miss Harper has denied any visits for today." Leon's smile faded to a frown and he scrunched his face up.

"What?" He scoffed. "I'm a very close relative and it's imperative I see her." He partly lied.

"Well Miss Harper said specifically not to let anyone in for her."

Leon couldn't believe what he was hearing. He ran a hand through his hair and scrunched the gravel under his foot.

"Why is it always when I want to do something?!" he cursed to himself. He had to get in, but not through the door. Taking a few steps back, Leon craned his neck up to inspect the building. The fire escape around the side of the building would do nicely. He climbed over the fence and into the side alley of the apartment block before hoisting himself up on the ladder and climbing up the flight of zigzag stairs. A surge of adrenaline coursed through him, just like it did in the field. He looked into each of the windows till he recognised the rooms and pulled on the window, but it was locked. Leon huffed under his breath: everything had to be the hard way. He climbed into a random room and slowly walked through, trying to tread carefully so the person couldn't hear him. He got to the front door, his hand almost on the handle, when the shower turned off and a woman with a towel around her began squealing. Leon whipped around and caught a slap across the face.

"Get out, pervert!" she screeched. She opened the door and pushed him out, making him tumble into the hallway.

"Wrong room!" he shouted back as she slammed the door into his face. 'Of all the times, it had to be when she was taking a shower.' He shook his head and rubbed his cheek where her hard hand caught his face.

When he got to the right hallway, Leon breathed a heave of relief. The old woman across from Helena's apartment was just locking up.

"Hello again," She replied cheerfully. "Sorry, I didn't get your name."

"Leon." He said with a smile.

"Ah, of course. If you here to see Helena, you better have brought chocolate."

"Why's that?" he asked a little confused.

"I heard her crying earlier. I thought you had a fight when you left yesterday." She said casually. "Don't mean to be so forward. It's just a woman my age has nothing better to do with her life than listen in to her neighbour's interesting lives."

He stood there a little shocked and she nodded at him and walked away. Helena had been crying over him? Leon walked up to her door and knocked, but as he put pressure on it, it opened. He took a glance around the empty hallway and pulled out his Wing shooter hidden away in his waistband.

"Helena?" he asked as he walked in. The apartment was just as messy as it was a day ago, if not a little more trashed. He peeked into the living room and his grip on the gun tightened. "Helena, you in here?"

In the middle of the room, the glass coffee table was the only thing that was clean, and on it were a note and a single daisy. Leon's heart began to race as he placed the gun on the glass with a clank and lifted the paper to read the neat handwriting.

_Dear Leon, _

_I know you are going to come back to see me, so I decided to leave a note for you. _

_I am going to see my sister. I can't live much longer in this world knowing that she is dead because of me, when she had her whole life ahead of her. She was twenty-one, Leon, only twenty-one. Maybe you were wrong about wanting to turn me in, I could have left here a lot earlier and the pain would have been minimal. The last thing I wanted was to leave like this, but now it's come to that. By the time you read this, I will have thrown myself off the top of the apartment block and into the arms of my Angel. _

_Apologies and farewell, _

_Helena _

Leon stood mouth agape as he read the last few lines. His brain didn't function fast enough for him to realize what he was reading: Helena's _suicide note_. Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning shocked him, he body jerked and he ran out and sprinted up the fire escape, clambering up onto the flat roof to get her before it was too late. Leon pulled himself up and saw her with her arms out, accepting death, ready to jump.

"Helena, no!"

End of chapter 3

*A/N* Whooo that was intense! Stay tuned for the next chapter!*

Reviews:

The95will: Well, thank you! It really means a lot to get great comments like this. When I first published my story, it was a while before I really got any reads so I was a little disheartened. Your comment really made my day and I had to update again. Thank you for being the first reviewer and really studying my story in depth rather than skim reading it because of the pairing. ^_^

Guest: I'm glad you like the pairing as well and I will be continuing this story. Thanks for reviewing!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Helena, no!" Helena faltered as she jumped and turned around at the familiar voice. Leon jumped up onto the roof and ran up towards her at top speed.

"Leon?!" She lost her footing as she span around and slipped, tumbling off the edge with a shriek and knocking her head on the edge in the process.

"NO!" Leon threw himself over the edge to grab her and grasped onto the piping for support. He caught her wrist and gripped tight, hanging from the edge from one arm with both his own and Helena's weight. A groan of pain came from him as a tearing pain ripped through his shoulder. They swung there for a few moments as Leon found it hard to move from the agonizing position. Helena had knocked herself out.

He began lifting her up slightly from the arm as he used his legs to walk up the wall, relieving some pressure from his arm. With one last heave of his strength, he pulled himself up onto the roof and pulled Helena up after him, making her roll face-down onto his chest. Wrapping his arms around her, Leon tilted his head back onto the floor and closed his eyes. They stayed in that position for a while, with Leon breathing deeply to reduce the burning lactic acid pumping in his right arm. "God damn it, Helena."

When he could finally move again, he lifted her up with an arm under her neck and legs and stood to his feet. He carried her down the fire escape and through the window back into her apartment, where he placed her on the sofa. Now he knew she was definitely safe, a sigh escaped him. He turned to the glass table and holstered the Wing shooter that lay abandoned. Next to it was the fallen note. He picked it up and crumpled it in his hand and then threw it out of the open window. Somehow ridding himself of the letter made Leon think it ridded the suicidal thoughts from Helena's mind. Leon took a few steps back and collapsed on the chair behind him, cupping his face with his hands. He was close, so close to losing her, all because of his own stupidity. What if he didn't make it there in time? That was what scared Leon the most. She was ready to jump…

Helena awoke sometime later. Her eyes drifted around the room and she realized she was in her own apartment.

'I'm not dead?' she thought to herself. A damp cloth was being stroked on her forehead. She looked up to find Leon's face. "Leon?"

He made eye contact with her but said nothing; he simply kept a solemn face and broke the eye contact, continuing to dab the soft cloth onto her head and collarbone. Helena couldn't find anything in her to say, and Leon decided not to speak either. After another moment of dabbing her with the cloth, he stood and left her in the room by herself. Helena could hear running water from the kitchen and he returned a moment later. Leon parked himself down on the chair and locked his hands together.

Helena sat up. The silence was overwhelming. She wasn't used to Leon being this quiet. She had to say something to break the silence, _anything_, but she couldn't. "L-Leon, I-I..."

"Don't." He said emotionlessly and cut her off by staring into her eyes. "_Never_ scare me like that again."

Leon's voice was the most serious she had ever heard and Helena wasn't sure what to say to him. She couldn't exactly thank him for stopping her suicide, could she?

Leon tilted her head down at her silence. "I'll make you something to eat." He said and went onto the kitchen; leaving Helena sat in her place on the sofa. She put her head into her hands.

Leon returned and placed a sandwich on the table. He offered a smile when she looked up at him. She looked so tired, though she spent most of the day asleep. Her eye bags were almost vivid now. He felt tired himself and the pain in his shoulder was returning now. Helena caught him wincing.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. Don't worry about me." He almost snapped.

"But…"

"Helena, just eat." This time it was more of an exhausted plea than an angry snap.

She took a bite just to satisfy him. "How long was I out?" she asked.

"Most of the day."

"Were you here all this time? You must be hungry."

"Helena." Leon gave her a look. "I'm fine. You rest."

Helena returned the look. "I don't need to rest, I just have been."

Leon gave another firm look at her that said everything he was thinking. She reluctantly ate what was in front of her without another word.

"I'm going to stay with you tonight, okay?" He said as she nibbled through the sandwich.

Helena nearly choked. "What? You don't need to baby me, I'm okay."

Leon sighed. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?!"

"Pushing me away." He stated calmly, despite her snappiness.

Helena didn't even realize she was doing it. She couldn't look into his eyes. She felt pathetic, weak, and she was never one to show weakness. Even throughout the C-virus pandemic, she kept her cool but now all her walls were crashing down. A sniffle escaped her, which turned into a sob. "I'm so sorry!" She said tearfully.

Leon looked over at her. He stood from the chair and walked over to her and embraced her in a hug. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Helena. It was all me."

She cried onto his chest and he kept her enveloped in his arms. "I'm… I'm not as strong as you are, Leon. I can only cope so much…"

"I know. God, I know." He said and rested his chin on the top of her head but he moved out of the embrace quickly before things became uncomfortable.

"Y-you can take the guest room, but… I'll need to clean it." Helena rubbed a hand across her face to wipe her tears and push stray hairs back.

"No, no. I'll do it, don't worry. Just promise me, you won't ever try anything like that again."

Her voice cracked. "I-I won't."

'_But I can't promise you anything.' _She thought silently.

End of chapter 4


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